RANDALL 3

Josh: Hey, I hear you and Stephanie are really getting serious.
Michael: Yeah, I think she'll be impressed with my new exercise program.
Josh: What? What are you talking about? What exercise program? What did you tell her?
Michael: Well, you know, I enjoy staying in shape. [Right] First, I generally get up every morning at 5:30 a.m.
Josh: Oh, yeah. Since when? You don't roll out of bed until at least 7:30 p.m.
Michael: No, no, and on Mondays and Wednesdays, . . .
Josh: Ah, not another tall tale . . .
Michael: I almost always go jogging for about a half hour, you know, to improve my endurance.
Josh: Hey, jogging to the refrigerator for a glass of milk doesn't count.
Michael: Of course, before I leave, I usually make sure I do some stretches so I don't pull a muscle on my run.
Josh: Right. One jumping jack.
Michael: Then, I told her that I usually lift weights Tuesdays and Thursdays for about an hour after work.
Josh: Humph.
Michael: This really helps me build muscle strength.
Josh: A one-pound barbell.
Michael: Finally, I often go hiking on Saturdays with my dog [What dog!?], well, and I like hiking because it helps me burn off stress and reduce anxiety that builds up during the week.
Josh: Oh yeah, those lies.
Michael: Well, uh, as for Fridays, I sometimes just relax at home by watching a movie or inviting you over to visit.
Josh: If I buy the pizza.
Michael: But . . . bu . . . And on Sundays, I take the day off from exercising, but I usually take my dog for a walk.
Josh: Forget it. She'll never buy this story.
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Receptionist: English Language Center. How may I help you?
Caller: Yes. I'm calling to find out more information about your program. For example, what kind of courses do you offer?
Receptionist: Well, first of all, the purpose of our program is to provide language learning opportunities to this area's community [Uh-hum], whether a student's goal is to master basic functional language skills, let's say, for his or her job, or to study intensively to enter a US college or university.
Caller: Okay. I'm calling for a friend who is interested in attending a US university.
Receptionist: And that's the kind of, uh, instruction that we provide, from basic communication courses to content-based classes such as computer literacy, intercultural communication, and business English.
Caller: Great. What are your application deadlines for the next semester?
Receptionist: Well, we ask applicants to apply no later than two months before the semester begins. [Uh-hum] This gives us time to process the application and issue the student's I-20.
Caller: An I-20?
Receptionist: Oh, an I-20 is a form that indicates that we are giving permission for the student to study in our program, and then the student takes this form to the US embassy in his or her home country to apply for the F-1 student visa.
Caller: Alright. What is the tuition for a full-time student?
Receptionist: It's two thousand thirty dollars.
Caller: And how does one apply?
Receptionist: Well, we can send you an application and you can mail it back to us, or you can fill out our application that's on our Web site.
Caller: And are there other materials I would need to send in addition to the application form?
Receptionist: Uh, yes. You would need to send in a $35 non-refundable application fee [Uh-huh], a sponsorship form indicating who will be responsible financially for the student while studying in our program, and a bank statement showing that you or your sponsor has sufficient funds to cover tuition expenses and living costs for the entire year of study.
Caller: And how can I send these materials to you?
Receptionist: You can either send the application packet by regular mail or you can fax it.
Caller: And the application fee?
Receptionist: We accept money orders, travelers checks, or credit cards.
Caller: Alright. I think that's about it.
Receptionist: Okay great.
Caller: Oh and what is your name?
Receptionist: Ok. My name is Tony Nelson. You can just call and ask for me.
Caller: Great. Thank you for help.
Receptionist: No problem and please don't hesitate to call again if you have any other questions.
Caller: Okay. Goodbye.
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Apartment Owner: Hello.
Caller: Hi. I'm calling about the ad for the apartment found in today's newspaper.
Apartment Owner: Okay.
Caller: I'm kind of desperate, and I need something right away.
Apartment Owner: Okay. What would you like to know?
Caller: First of all, how big is it?
Apartment Owner: It's a two-bedroom apartment with a living room, dinning room and kitchen, and one bathroom. There's also a place for a washer and dryer.
Caller: Okay, and how old is the apartment complex?
Apartment Owner: Well, let's just say it has a lot of history. To be honest, my great grandfather built it during the 1920s, but it's a very sturdy and sound structure.
Caller: Oh, and . . . so, is the apartment furnished at all?
Apartment Owner: Oh, yeah. The apartment is partially furnished with a refrigerator, stove, and my grandmother's old dishwasher.
Caller: You're grandmother's old dishwasher? Okay. What's the rent?
Apartment Owner: It's $950 a month.
Apartment Owner: Whoa. That is a little steep for me.
Caller: But you could always split the cost with a roommate.
Caller: Perhaps. Does that include utilities?
Caller: Well, the rent includes gas and electricity, but not the phone bill. And the water pump is right out the back door.
Caller: Water pump! [Yeah.] Oh, yeah. Well, can I rent month-to-month, or do I have to sign a lease for a longer period of time?
Apartment Owner: We require a 6-month commitment for the apartment, and if you cancel the agreement anytime during that period, hey . . . you lose your deposit.
Caller: Oh, and how much is the deposit?
Apartment Owner: It's $400, and, of course, this money is used to repair damage or general wear and tear on our apartment, like the leaks in the old roof from last year's snow storm. Man, that was ugly. Plaster falling down from the ceiling. And I didn't even know there was a rat's nest up there, but we got that taken care of.
Caller: A what? Do I get my deposit back after I move out? That's assuming that I even move in.
Apartment Owner: Generally speaking, we return the deposit, minus a small fee for, you know, cleaning the apartment for the next tenant, but if you trash the place, then don't expect to get anything back.
Caller: Okay. Oh, um . . . how close is the apartment to the university campus?
Apartment Owner: It's about eight blocks from campus, but you can catch a number of busses right out in front.
Caller: Oh, so, then, if there's a busy road out front, is it noisy?
Apartment Owner: Well, there are always trade-offs: it's a little noisy with the road outside and the airport behind you, but the place is really convenient because there's a supermarket and shopping center right across the street. Just keep the windows closed and a pair of ear plugs handy, and you'll be fine.
Caller: Okay, and one last question. Are there parking spaces for tenants?
Apartment Owner: Yeah. The apartment has two covered parking spaces, which are really convenient during certain times of the year.
Caller: Uh . . . I don't know. Is it possible for me to drop by and visit the apartment tomorrow morning?
Apartment Owner: Sure, but just remember we rent the apartment on a first-come, first-serve basis, so there's no guarantee it'll still be available then.
Caller: Okay. Thanks. Um . . . and where exactly is the apartment located?
Apartment Owner: It's one block west of the waste water treatment plant.
Caller: Ah . . . . Are pets allowed?
Apartment Owner: Well, you can keep small pets like a hamster in a small cage, but we don't allow larger animals like dogs, cats, or snakes. Things like that.
Caller: Um, I have a rat . . .
Apartment Owner: You don't have anything like that, do you?
Caller: Well, I have a rat that I keep in a cage. Will that be okay?
Apartment Owner: Well, as long it doesn't escape, I guess that's okay.
Caller: And what's your name?
Apartment Owner: It's Norman. Norman Bates.
Caller: Alright, Mr. Bates. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.
Apartment Owner: Bye.
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Man: Hey. Can you give me a hand with the groceries? And I told you I could do the shopping.
Woman: Wow! Do we really need all this stuff? Let me see that receipt.
Man: Hey, I only bought the essentials.
Woman: Okay. Let's see. Dog food. Twenty-four dollars and seventy cents ($24.70)? We don't even have a dog!
Man: Well, it WAS going to be a surprise, but look in the back of the truck.
Woman: What?
Man: Ah, ha, hah. Speechless. I knew you'd love him.
Woman: That thing? That dog's as big as a horse. He probably eats like one, too.
Man: Ah, but he's sure friendly. And someone was giving him away at the supermarket, and I . . . I . . . I couldn't let that poor thing pass another day without a loving home.
Woman: Whatever. Where was I? Eighteen dollars and nineteen cents ($18.19) for twenty-four cans of tomato juice? You don't even like that stuff!
Man: Ahhhh. Not yet. I've decided to change my eating habits.
Woman: Right.
Man: You'll see, you'll see.
Woman: Okay. Let's see. Three eighty-four ($3.84) for a box of chocolate cookies and twelve fifty-six ($12.56) for case of soft drinks. [Yeah!] Changing your eating habits, huh? Do you really think that cookies are some type of diet food?
Man: Hey, I'll just eat a cookie or two every other hour. In fact, they're a great source of carbohydrates for energy. And, you see, the tomato juice and cookies kind of, you know, cancel each other out.
Woman: Oh brother. I can't believe what I'm hearing. Let's see. Where was I? A carton of eggs, two fifty ($2.50) for a gallon of milk, three cans of tuna. Okay. [Yeah.] And finally two steaks for eight fourteen ($8.14) . Now, something worth enjoying. I'll get the grill started.
Man: Oh, we . . . w . . . well. The steaks are for Herbert.
Woman: Herbert. Who's Herbert?
Man: Uh, he's the dog. [No!] You see, the previous owner said that he's kind of . . . he's somewhat picky about what he eats, [No!], and the steaks might help him adjust [Absolutely not!] to his life . . . . no, no, no, and the steaks might help him adjust to his new home. Hey, what are you doing? Oh, no. Why did you throw the steaks out on the ground outside?
Woman: Well, now, you and Herbert can get to know each other better. I'm going out to eat by myself.
Man: Ughh.
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Man: Hi. Uh, haven't we met before? You look so familiar.
Woman: Yeah. We met on campus last week, [Yeah!] and you asked me the same question.
Man: Oh, oh really? I'm sorry, but I'm terrible with names. But, but, but . . . Let me guess. It's Sherry, right?
Woman: No, but you got the first letter right.
Man: I know, I know. It's on the tip of my tongue. Wait. Uh, Sandy, Susan. [Nope. So, was I that memorable?] Wait, wait. It's Sharon.
Woman: You got it . . . and only on the fourth try.
Man: So, well, Sh . . ., I mean Sharon. How are you?
Woman: Not bad. And what was your name?
Man: It's Ben, but everyone calls me B.J. And, uh, what do you do, Sh . . . Sharon?
Woman: I'm a graduate student majoring in TESL.
Man: Uh, TESL . . . What's that?
Woman: It stands for teaching English as a second language. I want to teach English to non-native speakers overseas.
Man: Oh, yeah. I'm pretty good at that English grammar. You know, verbs and adjectives, and uh . . . Hey, that's sound really exciting. And do you need some type of specific degree or experience to do that? I mean could I do something like that?
Woman: Well, most employers overseas are looking for someone who has at least a Bachelor's degree and one or two years of experience. [Oh!] And what do you do? Are you a student on campus?
Man: Yeah, but, uh . . . I guess I'm mulling over the idea of going into accounting or international business, but I guess I'm now leaning towards a degree in marketing.
Woman: Oh, uh, . . . Well, I have to run. I have a class in ten minutes.
Man: Oh, okay. And, uh, by the way, there's this, uh, dance on campus at the student center tonight, and I was wondering if you'd . . . you know . . . like to come along.
Woman: Oh really? Well, perhaps . . . .
Man: Okay, well, bye.
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News Reporter: Hello. This is Charles Richards from Channel 7 News, and we're down here, uh, at the City Mall, interviewing people on how they celebrate Christmas. And, uh, hi young lady. What is your name?
Young Girl: Elizabeth Carter.
News Reporter: And, uh, Elizabeth, uh. How does your family celebrate Christmas?
Young Girl: We go sledding, and we go over to my grandparents house and have dinner with them.
News Reporter: Well, that is great, and let me ask this young man. Hi, what is your name? [Johnny.] And Johnny, how old are you?
Johnny: Five.
News Reporter: And, uh, does your family eat anything particular for Christmas?
Johnny: Turkey . . .
News Reporter: And what does Christmas mean to you?
Young Girl: Going to my grandma's and making their breakfast.
News Reporter: Going to grandma's and making breakfast. And let me ask another young man. Hi, what is your name? [Steven.] Okay, and Steven, what does Christmas mean to you?
Giving by not expecting to get.
News Reporter: Now, that's kind of hard for a young man like yourself. What does that mean: Giving by not expecting.
Steven: Well, one thing that we do is secret giving.
News Reporter: Secret giving? Now how does that work in your family?
Steven: We sneak up to the porch of somebody we want to give to, we put the gift we want to give to them, ring the doorbell, and hide.
News Reporter: Ring the doorbell and hide? Uh, so you're not expecting something; you just want to be generous to someone else. Is that right?
Steven: Yeah. That's correct.
News Reporter: And let's interview one more. And, uh, how do you celebrate Christmas? What is the best thing about Christmas and what does it mean to you?
It means getting off from school!
News Reporter: Getting off from school?! Do you all feel that way?
Group of Children: Yeah!!
Young Girl: Because I hate homework.
News Reporter: Yeah. Well, that all here from the City Mall. Channel 7 reporting.


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.Nate: Hey Phil: Have you ever been to a Japanese public bath? I hear it's quite an experience.
Phil: Yes, and what an experience.
Nate: What do you mean?
Phil: Well, it's nothing like visiting a swimming pool in the States.
Nate: Well, what do you do when you go to a public bath?
Phil: First, you take off your shoes before you enter.
Nate: Okay.
Phil: Then, you pay an entrance fee to the man or woman at the front counter. [Um-huh]. Next, you get undressed in the dressing room. And I was very surprised . . . and a little embarrassed to see that the woman who took my money was sitting on a platform where she had a clear view of the men's side of the dressing room. Really? This allows the workers to keep an eye on the patrons' belongings while they are in the bath.
Nate: Wow. And do you wear a bathing suit or something?
Phil: Oh no! You don't wear anything. Then you go into the main bathing area and wash your body while sitting on a small stool about 40 centimeters high.
Nate: On a stool!?
Phil: Yeah. It was really hard getting used to bathing in that position. Sometimes, even, people wash each other's backs.
Nate: Oh really. So, what do you do after that?
Phil: Well, after you've rinsed off all the soap, they usually have two or three large baths where you can soak for a while.
Nate: Do you actually share the bath with other people?
Phil: Yeah. Traditionally, the bath played an important role in the community. It gave neighbors an opportunity to socialize while bathing.
Nate: Huh. Interesting.
Phil: When you're all done bathing, people relax in the dressing room by watching TV, drinking tea or juice, or talking to friends. It's quite an experience.
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Beautician: Hi. How can we help you today?
Customer: Yeah. I'd like to get my hair trimmed a little. Nothing fancy. Just a basic trim.
Beautician: Well, can we interest you in today's special?
Customer: Um . . . No . . .
Beautician: We'll shampoo, cut, and style your hair for one unbelievable low price of $9.99 (nine ninety-nine). Plus, we'll give you a clean shave and a back massage to help you relax.
Customer: We'll I don't know. I don't have much time, and . . .
Beautician: Best service in town!
Customer: Okay, I'll have the complete service today, but as I said before, I just want to get my hair trimmed. A little off the top and sides. That's all. I mean, that's all.
Beautician: No problem. Relax. You're in good hands. Okay, here we go. Now, how does this work?
Customer: Huh? Wait. You know what you're doing, right?
Beautician: Relax, sir, relax. I've been doing this for ten [cough] [Ten what?] Sit back and relax. So, what do you do for a living?
Customer: I'm a lawyer, specializing in workplace accidents, and I'm in town for an interview for a new job, and . . .
Beautician: Oops.
Customer: What do you mean oops. Hey, can I see a mirror?
Beautician: Nothing to worry about, sir. Relax. I'm just making some adjustments to the hair trimmer. There we are. Okay . . .
Customer: Ouch. That hurt. What are you doing?
Beautician: Nothing to worry about, sir. Relax.
Customer: That's what you just said a minute ago, and look at all of my hair on the floor. How much are you really cutting off? And where's a mirror?
Beautician: Oh. And time for the shampoo. Just lean back, and we'll wash your hair away.
Customer: You mean what's left of it?
Beautician: Relax. [Your favorite word . . .] Relax.
Customer: Hey, you got shampoo in my eyes. I can't see.
Beautician: Relax, sir, relax. I'm almost finished.
Customer: Yeah, just wait til I get finished with you!
Beautician: Okay, now let's dry your hair, put a little styling jell in it, and now style it with a blow dryer, and brush. voila!
Customer: Hey, what happened to my hair? You butchered it! And what's left of my hair turned purple. What kind of prank are you trying to pull here? Are you even a licensed beautician?
Beautician: Well, sir. We offer a money-back guarantee on all our work, so if you're not completely satisfied . . .
Customer: Satisfied? I'm anything but satisfied. I want to talk to the manager . . . now!
Beautician: I'm sorry, but he's on vacation, and he left me in charge, so if you . . .
Customer: How in the world am I supposed to go to a job interview looking like this? Forget it, forget it. Is there anyplace in this town that can give a decent haircut and fix the damage?
Beautician: Well, my brother works next door, and he offers a complete package for . . . .
Customer: I know, nine, ninety-nine. I've had it. Forget I even asked.


Stuart: Amy. So, how are you doing?
Amy: Oh, hi Stuart. School is so crazy these days, and when I'm not at school, I'm at work.
Stuart: Hey, listen. I'm getting together with Sara and Paul tonight, and a few of our other friends are going to join us. [Oh.] And, we're . . . well, we're going out to eat and then catch a movie. Why don't you come with us?
Amy: Hey, I'd love to, but I have to cram a test tomorrow.
Stuart: Ah, come on. We're planning on having dinner around 6:30 and then seeing a movie at 7:30. We should be home by 10:30 . . . 11:30 at the latest. I mean you're always saying that you don't have any friends . . . and that your love life . . . well, that you don't have one. Come on!
Amy: I . . . I don't think I'd better. I haven't been feeling well lately.
Stuart: Yeah, because you study too much. Well, we'll have a blast. Come on! Relax. [Well . . .] And it's Sara's birthday, too. And we're throwing her a small birthday party after the movie. Come on. Best friends always stick together.
Amy: Oh. Okay.
Stuart: Great. I'll pick you up about 6:00.
Amy: Okay. See you then, but I have to be back by 10:30.
Stuart: Ah, 10:30 . . . Midnight. It's all the same. See you at 6:00.

Receptionist: Dr. Carter's Office.
Ronald: Yes, I'd like to make an appointment to see Dr. Carter, please.
Receptionist: Is this your first visit?
Ronald: Yes it is.
Receptionist: Okay. Could I have your name please?
Ronald: Yes. My name is Ronald Schuller.
Receptionist: And may I ask who referred you to our office?
Ronald: Uh, I drove past your office yesterday.
Receptionist: Okay. How about the day after tomorrow on Wednesday at 4:00 O'clock?
Ronald: Uh. Do you happen to have an opening in the morning? I usually pick up my kids from school around that time.
Receptionist: Okay. Um . . . how about Tuesday at 8:00 A.M. or Thursday at 8:15 A.M.?
Ronald: Uh, do you have anything earlier, like 7:30?
Receptionist: No. I'm sorry.
Ronald: Well, in that case, Thursday would be fine.
Receptionist: Okay. Could I have your phone number please?
Ronald: It's 643-0547.
Receptionist: Alright. And what's the nature of your visit?
Ronald: Uh . . .
Receptionist: Yes sir.
Ronald: Well, to tell the truth, I fell from a ladder two days ago while painting my house, and I sprained my ankle when my foot landed in a paint can. I suffered a few scratches on my hands and knees, but I'm most concerned that the swelling in my ankle hasn't gone down yet.
Receptionist: Well, did you put ice on it immediately after this happened?
Ronald: Well yeah. I just filled the paint can with ice and . . .
Receptionist: And so after you removed the paint can . . . Sir, sir, Mr. Schuller, are you still there?
Ronald: Well that's part of the problem. Uh, the paint can is still on my foot.
Receptionist: Look, Mr. Schuller. Please come in today. I don't think your case can wait.


Doug: Uh, hi there Diane. Nah, okay. Uh . . . Hi, what's up, Di? Okay, here we go. . .
[doorbell ringing ]
Diane: Uh, hi. It's David, right?
Doug: No, Doug. Remember? We met at Gary's party last Friday night.
Diane: Oh, yeah. Now I remember. You were standing all alone . . . uh, oh, I . . . I mean . . . I mean, you . . . you know. We started talking about school and stuff. [Yeah, yeah.]. Uh, how did you know I lived here?
Doug: Well, I just live around the corner, and I asked Gary if he knew how I could contact you, and . . .
Diane: And?
Doug: Well, I was just wondering if you'd like to go out this Thursday night. [Oh.]. Well, there's this real great movie playing downtown at the theater, [Uh . . .] and I thought . . . Well . . . well, we can't use my car 'cause I was in an accident with this wild man driving this BMW, so I've already checked the bus schedule, and . . .
Diane: Uh-hem [Well], Well, David [No Doug! Remember?] Oh yeah. Doug. I'm sorry, but I have to work that evening.
Doug: Oh really? Well, I thought you said before that you quit your job.
Diane: Well, I did, but I found a new one.
Doug: Uh, well, how about this Friday night? We could have dinner and then see that movie.
Diane: A movie? How boring!
Doug: Well, well, uh, well. A movie? Yeah, for . . . forget a movie.
Diane: Anyway, I'm afraid I have to cook dinner for my family, and . . .
Doug: Hey, I love to cook. We could whip something up together! I mean, it would be great!
Diane: I don't think that's a good idea. It's just a family occasion and . . .
Doug: Well, hey, are you free this Saturday night? I have two tickets to the football game, and I thought . . .
Diane: Sure. I'd love to go. [Okay!] I've wanted to see a game all year. [Yeah!] My roommate will be so suprised when she finds out I have a ticket for her, and . . .
Doug: Well, but . . .
Diane: Oh [car screetching . . . ] . . . and here's my brother! He's a defensive lineman on the team.
Doug: Well, he doesn't look too happy.
Diane: Ah, he's a teddy bear, but hasn't been the same since someone ran into his BMW.
Doug: Oh. Let me guess. Red, right?
Diane: Right. [Oh] And, it's just that he's a little protective of me since I am his baby sister.
Doug: Hey, well, it's been really nice talking to you, but I have to run. Hey. Here are the tickets. Have a great time and, by the way, can I go out your back door?

Man: Yes, I'd like to report a theft.
Police Officer: Okay. Can you tell me exactly what happened.
Man: Well, I was walking home from work two days ago, enjoying the nature all around me . . . the birds, the frogs, the flowing stream . . . [Okay, Okay] when this woman knocked me right off my feet, grabbed my stuff, and ran off through the trees. [Hmm]. I was so surprised by the ordeal that I didn't go after her.
Police Officer: Yeah. Can you describe the woman for me?
Man: Yeah. He was about a hundred and ninety centimeters tall . . .
Police Officer: Wait. You said a woman robbed you.
Man: Well, I'm not really sure. [Hmm]. You see, the person was wearing a white and black polka dot dress, a light red sweater over it, and she . . . or he . . . was wearing a pair of basketball shoes.
Police Officer: Humm. What else can you tell me?
Man: Okay. Like I said, the person was about 190 centimeters tall, heavy build, with long wavy hair. She . . . or he . . . was probably in his or her late 30's. I didn't get a good look at the person's face, but well ... uh ....
Police Officer: What? Was there something else?
Man: Well, the person . . . had a beard.
Police Officer: Ah! What was, uh, taken . . . exactly?
Man: Well, just my left shoe. Bizarre, isn't it?
Police Officer: Ah. The "bearded woman" has struck again!
Man: The "bearded woman"?
Police Officer: Yeah. It's this man who dresses up like a woman and, for some unknown reason, removes the left shoe from his victims. He's really quite harmless, though, and he usually returns the shoe to the crime scene a couple of days later.
Man: Hey, he can keep my shoe, and I'll just take off my left shoe every time I walk through the park.




Employee: Hello. Can I take your order?
Customer: Yes. I'd like a large pepperoni pizza with mushrooms and green peppers.
Employee: Would you like anything else?
Customer: Well, wait. Uh, can I make that a half-and-half pizza?
Employee: Sure. What would you like on each half?
Customer: Uh, what toppings do you have?
Employee: Well, we have Italian sausage, ham, mushrooms, onions, pineapple, black olives, green peppers, bacon, tomatoes, shrimp, clams, and squid.
Customer: Shrimp, clams, and squid!? What kind of pizza is that?
Employee: Uh, the manager spent some time overseas [Oh.], and thinks his new seafood pizza will be a hit with customers, but to be honest, the "Swimmer's Special," as he calls it, is an acquired taste.
Customer: Uh, I'll pass on the "Sink or Swim" special, but I'll have pepperoni and mushrooms on one half and green peppers and Italian sausage on the other. Oh, and could I get extra cheese on that pizza?
Employee: Alright. Would you care for any bread sticks or beverage with your order? [Well . . . I don't know.] Actually, we have a Friday night family special going on right now [Oh!], and if you order any large pizza and drink, we'll throw in a free order of bread sticks, plus a three dollar coupon for use with your next pizza order.
Customer: Huh, sure, why not. And what drink comes with the pizza?
Employee: Either apple or orange juice.
Customer: I'll take orange juice.
Employee: Okay. Your total comes to fifteen nineteen, which includes tax. [Okay.] And could I have your name?
Customer: Uh, yeah, Jay Han.
Employee: Huh? Did you say "Jay Hand"?
Customer: No, it's "Han." Actually, it's a Korean name, but many people have difficulty making it out. Hey, maybe I SHOULD change my name to "Hand."
Employee: Ah, names are important; don't change it. [Okay.] Oh, and your address and telephone number?
Customer: It's 1340 South 16 East, and the phone number is 340-1870 (three-four-zero-eighteen, seventy).
Employee: Okay. Let me repeat your order. A large half-and-half pizza. [Okay.] One half with pepperoni [Yeah.] and mushrooms and the other with Italian sausage and green peppers. [Yeah.] Orange juice and your free order of bread sticks. Jan "Han," not "Hand," [Yeah, that's right.] at 1340 South 16 East, 340-1817. Is that correct?
Customer: Everything except for the phone number. It's 1870, not 1817.
Employee: Alright. Thanks for your order. It should arrive at your doorstep in 30 minutes or less, or you'll receive a free small pizza with your next order.
Customer: Great. Thanks.

Carpet:
Hey you! This is your carpet speaking. Helllooo! Hey, I take a real beating from you and your family everyday. The kids track mud all over me, the dog leaves a bunch of fur balls everywhere. You spilt coffee the other day while entertaining guests, and your husband left a trail of potato chip crumbs from the sofa to the kitchen last night while watching the football game. Don't you think it's about time to give me a good cleaning?
Now pick up that phone and call Master Cleaners now. I see them on the TV all the time. They'll clean any three rooms for $29.95, and any connecting hall is free. Plus, they'll throw in a free bottle of their amazing stain remover. And if you call now, you'll receive a 15% discount off their already low prices. So come on! Give them a call at 637-5001, and make life for me a little easier. Uh, nice doggie, nice doggie . . .


Son: Dad. Can I go outside to play?
Dad: Well, did you get you Saturday's work done?
Son: Ah, Dad. Do I have to?
Dad: Well, you know the rules. No playing until the work is done.
Son: So, what is my work?
Dad: Well, first you have to clean the bathroom including the toilet. And don't forget to scrub the bathtub.
Son: No, I want to do the family room.
Dad: Well, okay, but you have to vacuum the family room and the hall, and be sure to dust everything. Oh, and don't for get to wipe the walls and clean the baseboards. [Okay.] And after that. [Oh, no.] Next, sweep and mop the kitchen floor and be sure to polish the table in the living room.
Son: Okay. Okay.
Dad: And make your bed and pick up all your toys and put them away. And . . .
Son: More?
Dad: Yeah. And then, how about going out for lunch and getting a big milk shake, but you probably don't want to do that.
Son: No, No. I want to.
Dad: Okay. While you're doing your work, I'll be out in the yard raking leaves and pulling weeds.



Hello and thank you for calling Riverview Cinemas, the city's finest theaters with stadium seating. Box office opens 45 minutes before show time.
Movies currently playing include: Return to Mars II, rated PG 13 with a run time of 1 hour 53 minutes, showing at 12:00, 2:15, 5:00, and 7:20; Road Trip. rated R, a run time of 1 hour 49 minutes at 11:15, 1:20, 3:45, and 6:05; Go for the Gold, rated PG. Run time, 1 hour 37 minutes. Playing at 11:50, 2:00, 4:15, and 6:30, and Friends Forever, rated G, at 12:10, 2:00, 3:50, 6:15, and 8:30. Run time, 1 hour 32 minutes. These times are valid through the 17th of the month.
Matinee tickets are $2.00 before 4:00 p.m. for all patrons. Regular tickets are $6.00 for adults, $2.50 for children 3-11, and $4.50 for ages 12-17. Seniors are only a buck fifty. All tickets on Tuesdays are $2.00. You can also purchase tickets online. No wait, no lines.
We're located downtown on 1313 South 260 East, kitty-corner the Richards Science Museum. Visit our website for up-to-date information.



Dean: Hey, man. What's up?
Tod: Ah, first of all, I put a buck in the vending machine for a seventy-five cent candy bar, and the thing got stuck here in the machine. Then, I pressed the change button [Ah, man] , and nothing happened. [Wow!] Nothing came out. The dumb thing still owes me a quarter.
Dean: Well, did you talk to the man at the snack bar to see if he could refund your money?
Tod: Yeah, I tried that, but he said he didn't own the machine, and I'd have to call the phone number on the machine.
Dean: What a bummer.
Tod: Hey, I have an idea. [What?] Why don't we rock the machine back and forth until the candy bar falls?
Dean: Nothing doing. I don't want to be responsible for breaking the thing, and besides, someone might call the cops.
Tod: Ah, don't worry. I've done it before.
Tod: Oh well. Hey, hey, tough luck. Hey, here, take my candy bar. [You mean?] Yeah, the machine and I hit it off earlier today.


Carla: So, how are things going, Steve?
Steve: Well, to be honest Carla, I was feeling great on Saturday, but I started to feel sick Sunday afternoon. I thought I'd get better, but I feel worse than before. And I'm really worried because I'm scheduled to give a presentation at work on Friday, so I have to be better by then.
Carla: Well, what seems to be the problem?
Steve: Well, I thought I had the flu, but the doctor said it was just a bad cold. He gave me some cold medicine to take care of my stuffy nose and fever. I'm supposed to take the medicine three times a day after eating, but it doesn't seem to help. He also told me to stay off my feet for a day or so, but I'm so busy these days.
Carla: Listen, forget about that medicine! I have just the thing to get rid of bad colds. You see, my mom is really into herbal medicine.
Steve: Oh, no thanks.
Carla: Ah, come on! Give it a try. You just take some of my mom's herbal tea and drink it four times a day. Believe me. You'll be up and dancing around in no time.
Steve: Dancing around in no time, right? Well, I guess. Nothing else seems to be doing the job.
Carla: Great. I'll come by your place at 7:30. See you then.




Merchant: Well hi there. What are you looking for today?
Customer: Uh, I'm just looking.
Merchant: Well, how about a ring from someone special?
Customer: There IS no one special.
Merchant: Well, take a look at this CD player. A great bargain today only.
Customer: Nah. I already have one, plus the handle is cracked.
Merchant: Okay. Well what about this genuine leather jacket? It would look great on you.
Customer: Hum. Let me take a look at it.
Merchant: Sure.
Customer: Umm. There are stains on the sleeves. I'll pass.
Merchant: Well okay. Well, wouldn't you like to walk home with some of these great records? Some of the best hits from the 1960's.
Customer: Yeah, let's see. [Yeah] Now here's something I'd . . . Ah, these records are scratched.
Merchant: [Laughter] Just in a couple places. Listen. I'll sell you these ten records for fifty dollars. A steal!
Customer: Whoa! They're way too expensive. I'll give you twenty-five bucks for them.
Merchant: Ah, come on. I can't charge you less than thirty dollars and break even.
Customer: Well, that guy over there is selling similar records for a much better price [Ah!], so thanks anyway.
Merchant: Wait, wait, wait, wait. You drive a hard bargain. Twenty-eight dollars, and that's my final offer.
Customer: Huh . . . I'll think about it.
Merchant: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Listen. I'll even throw in this vase.
Customer: Now what am I going to do with a vase?
Merchant: Well, you can give it to that someone special when you find her. . . and this ring would look great with it.
Customer: Oh, I'll stick with the records.

Passenger: Hey Taxi! Ah great. Thanks for pulling over.
Driver: Where to?
Passenger: Well, I'm going to the National Museum of Art, and . . . .
Driver: Sure. Hop in. No problem. Hang on!
Passenger: Uh. Excuse me. How long does it take to get there?
Driver: Well, that all depends on the traffic, but it shouldn't take more than twenty minutes for the average driver. [Oh]. And I'm not average. I have driving down to an art, so we should be able to cruise through traffic and get there in less than twelve minutes.
Passenger: Okay. Uh, sorry for asking [Yeah?], but do you have any idea how much the fare will be?
Driver: Oh, it shouldn't be more than 18 dollars . . . not including a . . . uh-hum . . . a tip of course.
Passenger: Oh, and by the way, do you know what time the museum closes?
Driver: Well, I would guess around 6:00 O'clock.
Passenger: Uh, do you have the time?
Driver: Yeah. It's half past four. [Thanks] Uh, this IS your first time to the city, right?
Passenger: Yeah. How did you know?
Driver: Well, you can tell tourists from a mile away in this city because they walk down the street looking straight up at the skyscrapers.
Passenger: Was it that obvious?
Driver: Well . . .
Passenger: Oh, before I forget, can you recommend any good restaurants downtown that offer meals at a reasonable price?
Driver: Umm . . . Well, the Mexican restaurant, La Fajita, is fantastic. [Oh] It's not as inexpensive as other places I know, but the decor is very authentic, [Okay] and the portions are larger than most places I've been to.
Passenger: Sounds great! How do I get there from the museum?
Driver: Well, you can catch the subway right outside the museum. There are buses that run that way, but you would have to transfer a couple of times. And there are taxis too, but they don't run by the museum that often.
Passenger: Okay. Thanks.




Police Officer: Okay. May I see your driver's license please?
Driver: What? Did I do anything wrong?
Police Officer: License, please. And your car registration.
Driver: Oh, yeah. It's here somewhere in the glove compartment. Yeah, here it is.
Police Officer: Sir, did you realize you were speeding in a school zone?
Driver: What? No, I didn't, but that's probably because my odometer is broken, I mean, malfunctioning.
Police Officer: Yes, you were going 50 miles per hour in a 20 miles per hour zone. And [What?] AND, you failed to come to a complete stop at the intersection back there.
Driver: Rolling stops don't count?
Police Officer: And, one of your break lights is out, [Huh?], you're not wearing a seat belt, AND your driver's license expired six months ago.
Driver: And your name is . . . . Officer Smith? Hey, are you related to the Smiths in town? My wife's cousin's husband (I think his name is Fred) works for the police department here. Or was that the fire department. Anyway, I thought you might be good pals, and you know . . .
Police Officer: Hey, are you trying to influence an officer? I could have this car impounded right now because of these infractions.
Driver: No, of course not.
Police Officer: Okay, then. Here's your ticket. You can either appear in court to pay the fine or mail it in. Have a nice day.
Driver: Do you take cash?


Paul: So, what do you want to watch on TV tonight?
Brenda: Well, what's on?
Brenda: Well, hmm. There is a reality show on at 7:00 on channel 5.
Paul: Nah, you know I don't like reality shows. I mean, they usually show people doing crazy things like, you know, eating live fish or swimming in a pool full of snakes. I don't get into that.
Brenda: Okay. Well, how about watching a documentary on the life of panda bears in the wild?
Paul: Personally, I'd rather watch something with a little bit more action and suspense.
Brenda: Well, then. Ah, here's something. Do you want to watch a rerun of Star Wars?
Paul: Nah, I've seen it a zillion times. I'd like to see something different.
Brenda: Okay, let's see here. Oh, how about this? On channel 2 at 9:00, there's a home improvement show about fixing anything around the house. We do have a few things that you could repair in the bathroom . . .
Paul: Fixing things? Uh, boy, I'm beat. I think I'm going to hit the sack.
Brenda: You're going to bed?
Paul: Yeah. I have to get up early tomorrow . . .
Brenda: . . . and then you're going to fix the bathroom?
Paul: Good night.
Brenda: Okay. Too bad, though. There's a basketball game on right now, but . . . but I guess you can catch the score in tomorrow's newspaper.
Paul: Oh, okay. I'll stay up and keep you company while I . . . I mean, you . . . I mean, WE watch the game.
Brenda: I thought you'd change your mind. I'll get the popcorn.




Pete: Hey Markus. I have a question I'd like to ask you.
Markus: Yes. Go ahead.
Pete: Well, I'm thinking about going to Germany this summer [Great!], and I need some advice. You're the best person I know to answer my questions since you're German.
Markus: Thank you. What do you want to know?
Pete: Well, don't laugh, but I met this really nice woman through an online music mailing list, you know, a discussion group on the Internet [laughter]. I need some advice. You see, Claudia, . . .
Markus: Okay. So it's Claudia, oh?
Pete: Yeah, yeah. See, she invited me to spend two weeks in Germany [Hum]. And well, I told here I had studied a little bit about the country and language [Hum], and she's kind of expecting that I know more than I really do.
Markus: Hum. You're really in hot water now!
Pete: Yeah. I think so.
Markus: Well, what do you want to know?
Pete: Well, she's planning on introducing me to her parents.
Markus: Hey. Sounds kind of serious.
Pete: It isn't, at least I think it isn't. Anyway, what should you do when you greet someone for the first time in Germany?
Markus: Well, it depends upon your relationship with the person. Now, speaking of your girlfriend, Claudia, . . . .
Pete: Hey, I didn't say she was my girlfriend.
Markus: Ah, okay, okay. Now if you're meeting someone formally for the first time, like Claudia's parents, you should make sure you arrive on time.
Pete: Okay, so arrive on time. Uh, what about common greetings?
Markus: Well, Germans often shake hands, and they use the person's family name, unless they're really close friends.
Pete: Okay, what about with Claudia? I'm not sure what I should do in her case.
Markus: Ah. You can call her Claudia [Okay], shake hands, and why don't you take her some flowers?
Pete: Oh, how do you say "Nice to meet you" anyway?
Markus: Oh, "Ich freue mich, Sie kennenzulernen."
Pete: "Ich freu me senselen. . ? "
Markus: Uhhh. Not exactly. "Ich freue mich, Sie kennenzulernen" [Uhhh].
Markus: Humm. Honestly, I think you need to take a crash course in German before you leave. Claudia might think you're speaking Chinese or something if you don't.



Daughter: Dad, can I go to a movie this week with Shannon?
Father: Here. Try this. It's called a book. [Ah, Dad!] Moby Dick. An American classic. [Dad!] Okay. Let me look at the calendar here. Hmm. When are you thinking about going to a movie?
Daughter: Uh, we're thinking about seeing a movie on Wednesday after school.
Father: Well, that's not going to work. You have piano lessons after school and then you have to babysit for the neighbors until 9:00.
Daughter: What about Monday?
Father: Monday's out. You haven't practiced your clarinet at all . . . for an entire month, so you have to catch up on that. And, don't you have an essay due in your English class on Tuesday?
Daughter: Oh, I forgot about that [Yeah], and anyway, I was going to finish that during first period at school. [Great. I've never heard of a three-sentence essay.] So, what about Tuesday?
Father: Uh, you have soccer practice from 4:00 until 5:30, and after that, you have to do your homework.
Daughter: Ah, you can help me with that. Oh, I forgot you don't know how to do geometry. So, can I see the movie on Thursday?
Father: Well, remember the science fair at school is on Friday, right? Is, is your project finished yet?
Daughter: Umm, what about Friday night? I checked the paper, and there's a midnight showing.
Father: Uh-uh. Forget that idea.
Daughter: And Saturday?
Father: Well, you have to do your chores in the morning before noon. [You can help me with that.] Oh no. And then, we have to clean out the garage. You said you'd help. [No, you volunteered me.] Well, that should only take a couple of hours. [Dad, you're ruining my social life.] And then, after that, we can go to the movie.
Daughter: We?
Father: Yeah, We. Mom and I and you and Shannon.
Daughter: Uh, Dad, actually. We weren't planning on company.
Father: Now, let me check the paper for showtimes. [The movie plays at three oh five, five, seven fifteen, and nine.] You already checked, I see.
Daughter: Yeah. So is it okay? Can I go see the nine O'clock showing?
Father: The five o'clock showing!
Daughter: How about the seven o'clock showing?
Father: And why are you so concerned about the show time?
Daughter: Well, I don't know if I'll get all of my chores and homework done before then.
Father: Sorry, but I want you to get to bed early that night, and so, I can drop you off at the movie theater about 4:30 so you'll have time to get tickets.
Daughter: Uh, Dad. Can I have some money for the movie?
Father: Sure, just go into the family bank vault behind secret mirror in the hall and take a few hundred. [Dad!]. Look. I can only spare a few dollars, so you'll have to come up with the rest, okay?
Daughter: Okay. Thanks, Dad.


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